


The Fourth Kind

by baileyrhapsody, costia_gray



Series: I Want To Be Your Home [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers Needs a Hug, Alternate Earth, Angst, Coping, Earth-94, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fake Science, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kryptonian Culture & Customs, Married Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, POV Alternating, Parent Alex Danvers, Protective Kara Danvers, Resurrection, Romantic Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, The DEO | Department of Extra-Normal Operations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 01:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21128771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baileyrhapsody/pseuds/baileyrhapsody, https://archiveofourown.org/users/costia_gray/pseuds/costia_gray
Summary: Kara inhaled sharply, the smell of wildlife an assault to her senses. Dizzying. Disorienting.It made her ears ache. She’s reminded of her first days on Earth. Overwhelmed, lost. Confused. So much hurt. Kara groaned, gripping at her head restlessly as she tumbled out of the ship and down, landing with a thump. A crater to the Earth.Timeline: February 4th, 2019





	The Fourth Kind

**Author's Note:**

> **costia_gray:** Hey guys! So, I need to do some explaining on this one. This is an Earth-94 Kalex story that also follows up on events mentioned in my _Bound To You Universe_ series. If you haven’t, you’ll definitely want to read that series, too, to get some context on what has led up to this. However, since there’s no interaction with Earth-38 here, it’s going in the Earth-94 exclusive verse.
> 
> On that note, thanks to the suggestion of my brilliant friend, baileyrhapsody, I’ve decided that my _I Want To Be Your Home_ series is going to be where the Earth-94 verse is contained. The first three fics now serve as the base of Earth-94 Kalex’s relationship. I know jumping from those fics to this one is a big leap, but there will definitely be more fics published to fill in the time in between!
> 
> And last but not least, this fic was co-written with the aforementioned brilliant friend, baileyrhapsody, and titled by her, too. It was an awesome experience, and if I have my say, it won’t be the last time. :)
> 
> **baileyrhapsody:** Bailey here! Had a lot of fun writing this with the homie. Huge fan of the Bound To You universe so costia_gray was gracious enough to allow me to write with her. Hoping this isn’t the last collab! Will be getting back to my fics eventually. Much love, folks.

**X**

It started with a pinch. 

Kara wished she could say she came alive quietly. With a grace befitting her Kryptonian birthright. Proud and strong and _brave_. Brave like her mother taught her to be. Brave in the way she lived her life. But Kara had never been one for lies, no matter how well-meaning and she knew there was no dignity in death. Only the rot that came before ashes. Dispersed into the wind. 

When she woke, it was gasping for air, fear tightening her chest, eyes fluttering wildly in the dark. The skin on her cheeks felt hot, _ tight_, like it had been stretched out along the thin lines of her bones and stapled haphazardly around the structure of her face. Muscles aching, tears knitting themselves closed. Pain.

Kara squeezed her eyes shut. 

The panic made it hard to breathe. Her mind was a mess of memories and emotions. It was hard to sort through what was real or not. She reached around aimlessly until her palm met cool glass. Familiar to her touch. Kara pressed up on a whim and the glass broke immediately, the whole of it landing on the ground somewhere beside her. The door to her would-be coffin. She hauled herself up. 

Kara inhaled sharply, the smell of wildlife an assault to her senses. Dizzying. Disorienting. 

It made her ears ache. She’s reminded of her first days on Earth. Overwhelmed, lost. _ Confused._ So much hurt. Kara groaned, gripping at her head restlessly as she tumbled out of the ship and down, landing with a thump. A crater to the Earth.

She’s out again.

**X**

She awoke with a flutter. Eyes narrowed, limbs crossed. Kara swallowed, her throat dry, closed off. A hissing sound left her mouth as she pushed up off the ground and fell back into a solid frame, her control waning. She looked behind her and found she was slumped against a…pod? Kara raised a trembling finger to trace the subtle Kryptonian iconography etched into the sides of the ship.

Her brows furrowed. 

She closed her eyes and lowered her hand. Inhaled shakily as she tried to remember something, _anything_. A suitable explanation for the chaos in her head.

There was only one, though the memory was foggy, veiled. She felt as though she was missing. 

_ “—risis is imminent, Kara Zor-El. You must be prepared to—” _

A sharp pain broke her chain of thought. Like a blade searing her flesh. Her chest throbbed. She lowered a hand to it with a frown. The sensation of Kryptonite piercing her heart was not one that would fade easily. 

Kara rubbed her temples, took a deep breath. Calm. She looked around for some idea of a location only to find she was caught in the middle of a swathe of trees — a forest, maybe a jungle? She was not completely sure.

She pushed herself a bit more upright, sat cross-legged and closed her eyes. The dizziness she’d felt upon first waking was gone, and her body was starting to readjust. Kara focused on the meditative practices she’d learned on Krypton and carried into her life on Earth, the steps her mother had voiced aloud traveling to the forefront of her mind.

Her breaths were even and soft, her concentration on the onslaught of noises around her — animals and insects and creatures of all sorts. It was impossible for her to know true silence under a yellow sun, but she could filter out what she didn't want to hear, mute it so it became nothing but a quiet, indistinct buzzing in her ears.

Kara let minutes pass by this way, perhaps hours, before she got to her feet with ease. She stretched out her arms to examine them and the material of her supersuit pulled with the movement. Kara felt the unfettered power ripple inside her, no trace of the remnants of Kryptonite sickness. She passed a hand over her chest, tracing the familiar lines of her family’s coat of arms.

_ How was she alive? _

She bit her lip, arms falling to the side. The memories returned with more focus. A battle with her Unc—with _ Non_. Jagged pain. Loss. She covered her face with her palm as another memory surfaced. An expression of soft exasperation that had morphed into horror and grief. Alex crying over her prone form. A last memory. 

And then nothing. 

Kara crossed her arms, a spark of irritation flowing through her. It was the not knowing that was the worst. She had been dead. There was no getting around it, no coming back from a Kryptonite blade through the heart. The yellow sun may have burdened them with many abilities, but arrival after death had not been one. She knew this well. They had tried with Astra.

This new life she breathed was unnatural. A different kind of sickness curled her stomach as fear took root. Kara inhaled once more before turning back to the pod she had awoken from. She understood what must be done, but found herself hesitating, not sure if she wanted to know the truth.

There was no escape from the natural order, no fanciful musings, no miracles to take shape. A cause must have an effect. A trade must be made to find balance. 

She should not be alive. 

**X**

Alex chewed at the end of her thumb, scrolling aimlessly through her laptop, gaze unseeing. Diagrams of the new prototype Lena wanted her thoughts on were displayed on the screen, but she found it hard to focus. A frequent state of mind since Kara died. More so after she found a brief content in a Kara that was not her wife. An acute loss. Searing in a way that left her disjointed.

Grief was not a constant. It came in waves. There were moments of happiness intercut with sorrow, of rage. Dull aches that splintered off into an indistinct haze. Too much of everything, not enough of anything. 

The soft noise of plastic hitting plastic sounded in the background. Marley lay in her playpen just off the side. Alex glanced over at her on a whim, chest aching. Her sweet girl, the last tie to a love stolen in return. She loved her so much. 

Alex gently closed the lid of her laptop with two fingers and slumped back into her couch. She closed her eyes, her thoughts drifting to Kara from Earth-38. Alex hoped she was doing okay. She couldn’t imagine the pain Kara must have been in, to lose her own Alex in that way. Not a total loss, maybe, but still, a loss.

Her sister seemed to have taken her advice, at least. It had been two weeks since Kara had last visited. The distance would help curb momentary needs.

Honestly, Alex had been a bit relieved when Kara had first told her that nothing could happen between them again. In some ways, she felt as though she had betrayed her wife’s memory. Indulging so eagerly in a fantasy that could only ever have one outcome. Lost in an illusion, as if the Black Mercy had slithered its way through her home and caught her in its snares. 

Alex sighed, faced with another kind of guilt. Though Kara had made no allusions to the fact, Alex knew herself well. Despite their differences, Kara was still fundamentally Kara, which meant that Alex from Earth-38 was most likely the same. Insecurities and doubt rooted at the core. 

How would she have felt if her Kara had been with another Alex?

The results would have been ruinous. Best not to dwell.

Alex rubbed at her temples, feeling a headache coming on. That wasn’t unusual, as of late. She’d been scattered, tense, tired. Couldn’t keep her concentration on any one task at a time. Alex didn’t know how else to describe it, she just felt off. Like something wasn’t quite right. She just couldn’t put her finger on the cause.

She swept a palm through her hair and lifted her eyes to her daughter again. Marley had pulled herself into a sitting position now and kept quietly knocking two big plastic blocks together, as if she might fit them together if she kept trying. Alex smiled faintly at the sight. Her little girl was so good, the closest thing to a miracle she’d ever experienced. And she was a hollow shell of a parent, nothing like her Marley deserved.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t trying. Lena was flexible with her hours and gave her plenty of time to be with Marley. And Alex adored her daughter, tried her damnedest to do right by her. It just never felt like enough. How could it be? She’d always wanted to be a mom, but she’d never planned to be a _ single _mom. Alex and Kara had been in it together from the start. Alone, she felt inadequate and overwhelmed. Totally apathetic on her worst days.

And how awful was _ that?_

Kara would be so disappointed in her.

Her heart broke a little more at the thought.

Alex stepped up to the playpen and scooped her daughter up in her arms, cuddling her close. Marley whined when her blocks fell out of her uncoordinated little hands to the carpeted floor, and Alex shushed her softly, kissed the top of her head.

“What do you say we go to the park, baby girl? Hm? We can pretend Mommy’s good at this, huh?” She smiled when Marley tried to respond in her typical chipper baby babble; she was a talkative little thing. Less than a month ago, she’d turned a year old and had been becoming more mobile recently. Alex was anticipating her first real words soon.

She just hoped, with everything inside her, it wasn’t _ Mama_. She didn’t think she could handle that. It would hurt too much.

“Let’s make Auntie Lena sweat a little while, Marls,” Alex cooed. Maybe after some fresh air, she’d be able to get her head on straight and get some notes together for Lena. “Time to get you bundled up.”

**X**

By the time Kara reached the D.E.O.’s National City base, she was exhausted. It was a very good thing she’d chosen to wait before dragging her out-of-commission pod with her. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been dead, but it was long enough that her flight here had left her drained. Maybe a few hours of concentrated sunshine under the lamps would get her back to her status quo.

With her strength at a low, she landed on her usual balcony with a rather undignified stumble. It would have been embarrassing had she been given time to dwell on it; instead, she was immediately assaulted by screaming-loud alarms and bright red flashing lights.

Well, that was new.

She clapped her hands over her ears to muffle the sound, frowning when several agents scrambled toward her, pointing their guns at her. Irritation flared inside her, and she took a moment to breathe and calm herself while the alarms were deactivated. Supergirl was meant to be dead. Of course the D.E.O. would put security measures in place to keep any imposters away. It made sense, even though the irrational side of her thought they should _ know _she was herself.

But maybe she wasn’t. The dead weren’t meant to come back to life, after all. She could be something entirely different now.

She held up her hands in surrender and kept her mouth shut, noticing J’onn parting through his agents to stand before them. She almost smiled at the sight of him. He looked just the same, maybe a little more tired around the eyes. But he was still J’onn. He would know her, help her. That was why she’d come here.

“Identify yourself,” the director growled, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s me, J’onn,” Kara said evenly, hopefully. “It’s Kara. I promise you it’s me.” She stayed still, not moving an inch. She could take every one of these agents down in a heartbeat if she so chose, but she didn’t want to present herself as a threat. She couldn’t say for certain if one or more of those guns was loaded with Kryptonite bullets, and that was an experience she was far from eager to relive.

Speaking her name itself seemed to have caused a slight shift in J’onn’s stoically set face. Her real identity was unknown to most, but she knew it wasn’t enough. There were plenty of Fort Rozz escapees who could identify her as Alura’s daughter, perhaps even know her name. J’onn had to be cautious, and Kara had to understand that, no matter how much she hated it.

“Can you get a read on me?” she asked. He didn’t respond but lowered his eyes, likely making an attempt. He could read most minds but not Kryptonians, a fact she knew he’d been most glad for when she and Alex were at their most raucous. Alex’s dirty thoughts were more than enough for him.

“No,” he admitted at last. He lifted his eyes again to survey her. She did smile this time, just a little, hoping he would see her. He _ knew her_. Surely he could sense she was telling the truth.

After a few long moments, he waved one hand — a dismissal. The agents behind him holstered their guns, retreating.

Kara lowered her hands. “If there’s anything I can do to prove it…”

J’onn nodded sharply and raised his hand to his ear, speaking into his comms. “Agent Schott, report to Interrogation Room Four immediately.”

Kara crossed her arms over her chest, listening to her friend respond and affirm. She wasn’t particularly thrilled with the idea of being thrown into an interrogation room, but she needed the D.E.O.’s help. She needed her _ friends’ _ help. There was no getting around that.

J’onn motioned for her to follow. He seemed to believe her enough to refrain from slapping Kryptonite cuffs on her or forcibly leading her away. She was grateful for that, at least. Hopefully whatever technological magic Winn had in store for her would prove her story was true, and they could get to the real crux of the issue.

“Oh, wow,” Winn breathed, an awestruck glint in his eye as he met them at the door to the interrogation room. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over seeing you again,” he stated with an easy grin, practically vibrating with energy. Kara frowned over at him at that. She wanted to ask him what he meant but found her attention drawn towards J’onn when he sighed. 

“Agent Schott.” J’onn gave Winn a pointed look, who visibly flushed under the weight of J’onn’s gaze. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Winn replied sheepishly, holding up the device he had clutched in his hand. “This should be able to pick up your trace signature, letting us know which dimension you’re from.” He gestured for her to sit. “Lena and I finally managed to work out the kinks after the last time.”

Kara eyed the device dubiously, keenly recalling the _ many _trial and error periods of Winn’s past tech. Her friend was brilliant, but engineering was not exactly his forte. Though if Lena had helped design it…

She sighed, nodding reluctantly. “If it will prove I am who I say I am.” She gestured outwardly, signaling him to proceed. Winn smiled, holding out the device towards her. A red light scanned the length of her face before he pulled his hand back to read the data that was produced. 

In bold, bright red, all capital letters, it said: **EARTH-94**.

The room went silent after that. Winn blinked, gaping down at the device in shock as J’onn’s gaze cut sharply to Kara, his brows furrowed in concern.

Kara shifted in her seat and gave a timid smile.

“So,” she coughed lightly into her hand, “you guys got anything to eat here?” She trailed off into an awkward chuckle, swallowing as J’onn and Winn looked back at one another in unease.

**X**

Alex faltered mid push when she heard the distinct ringtone of the D.E.O. private line blare in her back pocket. She sighed, running her fingers along the chain of the swing as she bent her knees and leaned over to press a kiss to Marley’s cheek. The little girl babbled nonsensically at her from the swing seat.

“Give me a second, sweetheart,” she murmured gently as she reached behind her to pull out her cell. She kept her gaze locked on Marley’s smiling face as she answered the phone. 

“Danvers.”

_ “Alex, hey. J’onn asked me to call you.” _Winn’s voice greeted her, and she frowned. Her friend sounded abnormally subdued. This wasn’t a social call, of course, but even when she got the occasional calls to come in — she’d left the D.E.O. in an official capacity but stayed on as an occasional consultant — Winn was a little more himself. Cheerful, jokey, maybe a little manic, urgent. This was far from that.

Which only served to actually _ scare her_.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded, standing rigidly straight. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand up, and she rubbed a soothing palm against it.

_ “Well, we don’t, uh, really know. Not for sure,” _ Winn admitted, sounding a bit nervous. _ “But you need to get here. I already messaged Jenny to meet you at home.” _

Alex sighed. “I’m with Marley, Winn. The world doesn’t look like it’s ending. Can’t it wait?” She didn’t mean to be difficult, but going back to base was hard for her these days. She hadn’t stepped foot in there since the first time Kara’s counterpart came through. It was too easy for her to get caught up in the rush of the job, and she’d tried so hard to put it behind her since her Kara’s death. She was too terrified to leave their baby without her only remaining mother.

_ “I’m sorry, Alex, but it’s important. We wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t, I swear.” _

Alex was silent for a while, watching as her daughter kicked her little feet and whined.

They’d been having a nice time and Marley wanted to keep swinging. With those big blue eyes on her, Alex knew it would be difficult to leave. She wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up with a crying baby in the back of her car.

But Winn was right. J’onn knew she struggled with coming back. He rarely asked her to come in anymore. She didn’t like the vagueness of this request, but if she had to be there, it had to be a big deal. She knew that.

_ “Alex? Still there?” _

“Yeah. Fine. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Before Winn could respond, she ended the call and shoved the phone back into her pocket.

“Well, my sweet one,” Alex said, stepping closer to the swings again, “it looks like Mommy has to cut our day short.” Marley, under the impression the swinging would begin again, squealed with delight and clapped her hands together.

When Alex plucked her from the seat instead, a disappointed cry pierced the air around them. Alex shushed Marley patiently, nuzzling her nose into her daughter’s hair as she carried her back to the small parking lot. Eventually, she calmed, the only remaining protests a few little whines and sniffles.

“Mommy’s going to make this up to you, honey,” Alex assured her daughter tenderly, fastening her securely into her car seat in the back of the SUV. “I promise.”

**X**

After Marley had settled in at home with Jenny, it didn’t take Alex long to make her way downtown to HQ. As she drove down into the underground garage, she flashed her badge at the night guards, two of whom she recognized, and was sent in without a fuss. She wondered if she should be nervous, but she was too curious and too annoyed to let her anxieties get to her.

J’onn was waiting for her in the situation room, flanked by Winn. While J’onn was stoic, Winn’s face looked weird. She’d already known he was conflicted and anxious after their phone conversation. This confirmed it. He wasn’t the best at schooling his expression properly when he tried to keep a secret; it was a good thing he wasn’t a field agent because he would break too easily. So, rather than focusing her energies on J’onn and being met with the same cryptic non-answers Winn had relayed earlier, she narrowed her eyes at Winn here and now, stepping right into his personal space. He was much easier to intimidate in person.

“Talk,” she demanded. He gulped audibly, clutching his tablet tightly against his chest and fumbling for coherent words.

J’onn grabbed her by the shoulder and drew her gently back. Winn breathed a sigh of relief, and Alex turned to meet J’onn’s dark eyes.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded again, staring up at him defiantly. “You can’t do this to me anymore, J’onn. You can’t just summon me here without telling me what’s going on.” She huffed irritably. “Please. You’re freaking me out.”

“I’m sorry, Alex, but this is something you needed to see in person.”

She eyed him warily at the ominous statement but didn’t complain anymore, letting him lead her to the stairs. It only took a few seconds for it to become clear they were headed to med bay. Alex’s heart began pounding frantically, the sound echoing in her ears. Was someone hurt? Lucy? Lena? Vasquez?

J’onn placed a soothing hand between her shoulder blades and she willed herself to be cool. She knew J’onn would never purposefully intrude on her thoughts, but he’d told her before when she was upset, she was louder and harder to tune out. She gave him a shaky smile and closed her eyes for a moment as they approached the window outside med bay.

She nearly fell to her knees when she saw who was inside, eyes closed, soaking under the yellow sun lamps. She felt dizzy and pressed her hand against the windowpane to keep herself steady and centered.

_ Kara. _

Alex forced herself to look away, take a breath, and refocus on the facts. There was no possible way this was her Kara. This was just like the situation with Kara-38, it had to be. She didn’t know why she was being tormented like this. Was it some kind of curse, to see her wife’s face over and over again and suffer through the pain of knowing it _ wasn’t really her_?

“What Earth is she from?” she asked because it was the only logical question to ask. She turned to Winn, trying her best to look like Director Danvers because Director Danvers wouldn’t break the way Alex would. “What do you need from me?”

Winn’s eyes flicked past her to J’onn, whose hand was still pressed supportively against her back. It took everything in her to remain upright and stoic; a part of her wanted nothing more than to let her surrogate father hold onto her while she sobbed into his shoulder.

When she looked back through the window, Kara was watching them, her expression solemn. Watching _ Alex_, listening. Alex knew she was listening. Just like she’d known Kara-38 was listening to her talk to J’onn when she’d brought her here to send her home. She was always listening, always worrying, always making sure Alex was okay.

“Alex,” Winn began tentatively, “if this was another situation like Kara-38, we wouldn’t have called you here. We can handle that. This… I know it’s gonna be hard to accept, but…it’s _ her_, Alex. She’s our Kara. _ Your _ Kara.”

Alex didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She was too consumed with conflicting emotions, too overwhelmed. Her mind kept telling her there was no way. She had held her wife in her arms and watched the life draining out of her eyes. She had followed her wishes, placed her into her pod, recited the Prayer of the Dead, and sent her off to Rao. Kara was dead. Had been dead for nearly a year, and no matter what deity Alex prayed to, she knew her wife wasn’t coming back.

But now Winn — _ Winn_, one of the smartest people she knew, the man who couldn’t lie to save his life — stood here telling her otherwise. Her wife was alive. Her wife was _ here_. That beautiful woman lying quietly in the med bay, watching her with strangely cold blue eyes, was her wife. Not Kara from another Earth. _ Alex’s _ Kara.

Her heart ached to believe him, feeling like it might burst out of her chest. She took deep measured breaths, trying to fight against the tears welling in her eyes; it was a losing battle.

“Are you sure?” she asked, her voice rough from trying so hard to hold back the urge to sob.

Winn’s eyes flicked to J’onn again, then he turned his tablet around for Alex to see, offering it to her.

With shaking hands, she took the offered device and read the bold, red letters: **EARTH-94**.

“We’re sure,” J’onn said quietly, his deep voice comforting in her ear. She pushed the tablet back into Winn’s arms, closing her eyes and letting a few tears slip down her cheeks.

“How?” she finally asked. “How could she possibly be here?”

“We don’t know,” J’onn admitted. “We’re working on it. But I think you should go talk to her.” His kind dark eyes met hers and her heart dropped into her stomach, but she nodded. He was right. She needed to go in there, and she needed to keep herself together.

Stepping out of J’onn’s grasp, she wiped her cheeks clean and marched forward. She gave the med bay door a firm push and went inside, hearing the quiet click sound softly behind her.

Before she could open her mouth to say a word, though, Kara spoke, never moving from her supine position.

“They shouldn’t have brought you here.”

Alex faltered in her steps, Kara’s words registering like a blow to the stomach. Mortifyingly, she felt fresh tears gather at the corner of her eyes as a lump settled in her throat. She pressed back against the door, willing her hands to stop trembling as she clasped them together.

“How—” Alex’s mouth fell closed when Kara abruptly raised from the table, pushing the sun lamps away from her and off to the side. She fidgeted under the intense gleam of Kryptonian blues, allowed herself to be drawn into the chasm. A shudder went through her, but she refused to look away. 

Despite what J’onn and Winn had said, she could not help the skepticism that kept her at bay. Could this really be _ her _Kara? Technology was imperfect. It could be a mistake, a false reading. Her brows knit together into a frown.

“Alex.” 

The gentle tone around her name made her swallow. There was just something about the way Kara said her name that made her feel lighter. Like the weight of responsibilities had lifted, if only for a moment. The other Kara had said it the same way. 

She straightened at the thought. Crossed her arms along her chest in an act of defiance. “Prove to me you’re really her,” she demanded indignantly. 

Kara’s gaze, which had not shifted once during Alex’s deliberation, finally slipped away. “They shouldn’t have brought you here,” she repeated in a huff as she stood, wiping her palm along the D.E.O. issue sweats that she wore. Kara squeezed the area between her eyes.

“I told them not to tell you I was here. I wanted to figure out what was happening before involving you.” She rubbed her palm along the length of her face before hesitantly returning her eyes to Alex. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

The last part of the sentence was edged with sorrow. Awash with remorse and pain. Alex bit down on her lip_ hard, _throat closing piteously as her tears started to fall.

“I asked you not to forget me,” Kara started in a wistful tone, “when you left for college. I told you to promise that you wouldn't leave me behind.” She paused, took in another breath. “That was the first time you kissed me.” 

Alex’s lips parted in a soundless exhale, eyes widening a fraction. There’s no way— Who else would know that? It was a secret she held close to her chest. 

Kara regarded Alex ruefully. “I couldn’t stand being away from you, you know? I missed you so much.” The smile she gave Alex fell away a second later. “Ran all the way to your dorm to come see you first chance I could.”

“Kara…” Alex’s arms lowered to her side as her chest heaved, a sob building up in her frame. She stepped forward on shaky legs, dizzy, _ confused_. “But—but _ how? _ I don’t—” She let out a watery laugh, running both palms through her hair with trembling fingers.

“How is this possible? I— You were _dead_,” Alex cried, her voice breaking, cutting off near the end. “You died, I saw you die. I-I held—” She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to stop the sobs from falling from her lips.

Warmth enclosed around her and Alex found herself drawn into sturdy arms. She sunk into her wife eagerly, clinging to the back of Kara’s shirt like any moment she’d wake up _ alone _in bed, chasing after the threads of a dream. 

Kara cradled the back of her neck and held her as she cried. “It’s really me, Alex,” she murmured, arms tightening even further around Alex’s shivering form. “I don’t know how or why, but it’s really me.”

**X**

This had not been her intention. 

Once Alex found that her legs could not hold her, Kara had all but carried her over to the couch across from the sunbed. 

Now they sat together, Alex held firmly in Kara’s lap as Kara whispered reassurances into her wife’s shoulders. She tilted her head back after a moment, holding in a sigh as she stroked her fingers through Alex’s hair.

_ It should have never come to this, _Kara thought with a frown.

She had made one very reasonable request. After being bombarded with questions she had no ability to answer, she’d told both Winn and J’onn, clearly, not to tell Alex she was back. Simple enough. She had no idea why J’onn had chosen to ignore her wishes and wasn’t particularly looking forward to the confrontation that was sure to take place once Alex had sufficiently calmed.

Maybe it was her own fault for not clarifying further. She should have told J’onn and Winn about her fears, but she had felt so unsteady, askew. Like the pieces that made her _ Kara _were scattered. Lost. Unsafe. She had not wanted to talk about it, only longed to find a way to make sense of her newfound life.

Kara genuinely had no idea why or how she was back. She only had a faint memory before she’d woken up in her pod in the heart of a rainforest, and it was useless. A voice — and not one she recognized — telling her she needed to be prepared.

For what? When? What did that mean for her? Was she meant to remain alive? Or would she fulfill some mysterious purpose and leave her wife broken again?

It was the not knowing that terrified her. In her mind, since waking, she’d been praying to Rao on a constant loop for an explanation. A sign. A direction. _Something._

All she wanted was to find answers, to shield her wife from more heartbreak. She had been trying to do a good thing. Trying to save them both extraneous pain. And that had been stripped from her.

She had really made a mess of things.

Kara turned toward Alex when her wife lifted her head to look at her. Her dark eyes were still swimming with her tears, her cheeks wet. Kara lifted her hands to tenderly wipe Alex’s face clean, holding her gaze.

Her heart ached to see Alex like this, to know she was the cause yet again. She’d been the cause of far too much sorrow and trauma in Alex’s life, an alien plague that brought her misery. But they’d been _ staggeringly _ happy, too. For a very long time. She had to have faith it all balanced out in the end.

“Are you okay?”

Alex laughed. It wasn’t a happy sound nor an unhappy sound, really; in fact, she sounded as completely exhausted as Kara had felt when she’d made it here. “I’m not sure,” Alex admitted. “My wife is back from the dead. That’s a lot. I’m still working out what to feel.” She paused, thoughtful, then slid her hands around Kara’s neck to pull her closer. “I’m happy, obviously. And confused. And… God, I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back the tears for long.”

“You can cry, Alex,” Kara murmured. “You’re allowed to feel how you’re feeling with me. Always. You know that.” She traced the curve of Alex’s cheekbone with the pads of her fingers, her lips pressed together, her expression somber.

Alex’s next breath was shaky, uneven. What little control she had scrounged up was slipping. Kara was unsurprised when tears fell again and simply responded, peppering Alex’s face with soft kisses. Then she drew her wife back into her arms, tucked her dark head under her chin.

“I’m here,” she whispered again, her constant mantra of reassurance. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

Although Alex’s cries still wracked her frame, still soaked the front of her D.E.O. pullover, Kara could hear a difference. She sounded overwhelmed, but the devastation, the brokenness, had faded. Her emotions, regardless of what she believed, had started to settle.

When Alex had been mollified again, she fell quiet for a little while, laying against Kara’s chest. Her grip across Kara’s stomach was so tight that Kara feared she would strain something, but no amount of wordless coaxing seemed to convince her to loosen. So, finally, Kara spoke, her fingers threading back into Alex’s long dark hair, her nose pressed against her temple.

“Winn said it’s been over ten months.” She heard Alex’s heart picking up speed. Was she anxious? Upset again? Kara wasn’t sure, but she pushed onward, licking her lips. She felt a little shaky herself, her throat tight again as she tried to speak.

“Marley…” She swallowed hard after her daughter’s name finally left her mouth. She didn’t know what to ask; she just wanted to hear about their baby.

Alex pulled back to catch her gaze, her expression knowing and soft. “She’s big now. She crawls all over the place if I let her, and she’s getting closer to walking. She’ll hold my hands and take a few steps at a time. She still has your eyes and your ears. But…everyone says she looks most like me.” She smiled, looking up at Kara with loving eyes. “She’s _ perfect_, Kara. She’s the best thing we’ve ever done.”

It was Kara’s turn for tears to fall. She raised a hand to her eyes, brushing the tears away haphazardly. Her heart felt full to bursting, and for the first time since she’d woken up, the undercurrent of fear disappeared into the background, replaced with a mix of joy and terrible sadness. She had missed so much of Marley’s life. Her first birthday was past, and Kara hadn’t been there for any of the many first year milestones she had so been looking forward to experiencing.

“I tell her about her mama all the time,” Alex continued, pressing a reassuring hand against Kara’s sternum. “How beautiful and brave and strong you were—_ are_. But I guess now…she’ll be able to see it all for herself.”

Kara held in another sigh and nodded, pressing a long kiss to Alex’s forehead. Fear simmered beneath her skin again, the brief reprieve unpleasantly extinguished. Alex looked so hopeful that Kara could not stand the thought of letting her down. Not yet. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of, why she’d wanted to keep Alex away until they figured all this out.

She wanted to see their daughter _ so _ badly. She wanted to go home with her wife and settle back into her normal life. Find her purpose again in her family. But what if this wasn’t permanent? What if it was a fluke? She hadn’t wanted her family to have to deal with losing her all over again. Now, if this was too good to be true, if Kara’s fears were legitimate, there would be no choice.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Alex breathed. “You’re home.”

“Yeah,” Kara agreed softly. “I’m home.”

**X**

Alex had been reluctant to part. She clung to Kara’s hand like it was the only thing tethering her to this Earth, but Kara had found the conversation with J’onn could not wait. Anger seethed under her skin, prickling her fingertips. Made her want to lash out and scream. Vitriol pending an outlet. Though her expression remained passive and consoling, J’onn must have sensed her discontent because he sent Alex to check on Kara’s supersuit the moment they stepped out of the lab. 

Despite some grumbling, Alex was still ever the good soldier and went to follow J’onn’s orders, but not before bestowing one last parting kiss to Kara’s cheek. Kara’s ire waned for a second, a pleased smile lifting the corners of her mouth as she watched Alex leave the room. She tracked the course of Alex’s movements down the hall before she turned her attention to J’onn. Her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms.

“I need to talk to you.” It took all she had to keep from growling the words.

J’onn’s brow rose, but he said nothing in response. Instead, he gave a solemn nod and beckoned her to a corner just off the side.

“I don’t have to be a mind reader to know what you’re going to say, Kara,” J’onn started, placing a palm to her shoulder. He squeezed it gently, gentle by their standards at least. Just enough so that she could feel the strength of his frame, the comfort of his touch. Solid and always there.

“Alex is the bravest person I know. She’ll think it a weakness to admit this to you, will do her best to shield you from the reality of what she’s gone through these last ten months, but you need to know that it has not been easy for her.”

Kara’s brows knit together at that. Well, that should go without saying. She opened her mouth to respond but faltered when his hold tightened. She raised her eyes to meet J’onn’s gaze and was taken aback by what she found there. He did nothing to hide his grief, dejection coloring his features as easily as it would hers. She inhaled shakily at the sight, eyes falling shut. 

“It was difficult for all of us, but Alex was…” For the first time, he hesitated, his breath leaving him in a shudder. J’onn wrapped his arm around Kara’s shoulders and pulled her in close. “Alex was near catatonic for the first few weeks. Would barely eat or sleep.”

Oh, that hurt to hear. Kara’s throat felt thick, tender. She blinked back aimless tears. Crying would not turn back time, would not heal her wife’s despair. She laid her head on J’onn’s chest, knowing that there was more he needed to say.

“She was a wreck without you. I thought, perhaps, if she could see that you were here. Alive. Not another version of you, but _ you_, then maybe it could make up for my shortcomings.” J’onn swallowed, his voice coated with tears. “I’m sorry to say that I-I failed her then, Kara.”

Kara drew back with a frown. Another version of her? That was… Kara shook her head, filing the information away for later. “What do you mean you failed her, J’onn?” She moved out of his arms, her turn to offer comfort. She set both hands on his shoulders and coaxed his gaze to her. J’onn took in another breath, his arms crossing. 

“I thought it best to wait, give her space to process, to grieve, but as the months went on, it became clear she wasn’t getting better.” J’onn rubbed at his face. “She kept saying she was fine. I should have noticed sooner.”

“Alex is pretty good at hiding her feelings, J’onn,” Kara interrupted kindly. “If she doesn’t want you to find something out, you won’t.”

That much had been true for her as well. It had taken many years of trial and error before Kara had gotten to the point where she had been able to tell when her wife — then-girlfriend — was keeping things from her. 

“Whatever happened is not your fault,” she consoled him, squeezing his arms. “Alex knows you love her. Love us. We both know you did your best.”

J’onn’s mouth curled down, but he nodded his assent, just once. He sniffled, wiping at his eyes subtly before glancing off to the side. “Regardless, you should thank Lena when you get the chance. She was able to get through to Alex in a way I couldn’t.” J’onn smiled a little then. “Not without some arguments on both ends though.”

Kara chuckled at that and lowered her hands back to her sides. “That sounds like my girls,” she noted fondly. 

Lena really had been a good friend to them in the last couple of years. Kara was glad she had entrusted her secret to Lena after that first year. The new tech that L-Corp had been able to implement into not only her supersuit but the D.E.O. as a whole had been a game-changer.

Though she wished she had thought to ask for the Kryptonite resistant suit Lena had made her to do more than just lightly repel the substance. She rubbed at her chest absently and tuned her hearing back onto Alex, sighing when she heard her wife start to chew out Winn for taking so long to get her suit back. She returned her eyes to J’onn, knowing that they only had a few more minutes before Alex came back. 

“I’m not happy that you went behind my back, J’onn. I would never ask you to keep something from Alex unless it was important. _ Especially _ if it involves me. Everything I do, it’s to keep her and Marley safe.” She sighed again, shoulders hunching. “That being said, I can understand why you did what you did.”

J’onn nodded again, the shine in his eyes disclosing how grateful he was for her understanding. He was as good as a dad to both of them now. She knew he was just trying to do right by them. Sure, there was an indignant part of her that still wanted to rage at him for daring to think he would know how to take care of _ her wife _ better than she did, but the feeling had dulled. Now she only felt deflated, tired.

Before another word could be spoken between them, Kara turned her head at the sound of familiar footsteps approaching. Two sets of them. Accompanied by the ever-present petty bickering. She sighed, rubbing the heel of her palm against the crinkle she could feel forming between her brows.

“Alex, come on, she needs an upgrade before she tries to get back out there anyway! What’s with the rushing?!” Winn tried his best withering glare, but Alex raised one eyebrow and he shrunk back. The cocky smirk on her wife’s face almost made Kara smile.

“Honey, I don’t need it right now anyway. I just need some sleep.” Her time under the sun lamps hadn’t been sufficient; it was starting to worry her. She had been back for hours, and though she felt fully powered and in control, the exhaustion had yet to fade. J’onn had sent her to Dr. Hamilton to run tests, but they hadn’t gotten the results back yet and probably wouldn’t until morning.

Alex wrapped an arm around her back, dark eyes soft with concern. “Let’s get you home, Kara. You’ve had a long day.”

Kara hesitated, her eyes flickering rapidly to J’onn, then Winn, then back to Alex. “Lexie, I think, maybe, I sh—”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Kara Danvers,” Alex cut her off, eyes narrowed and voice stern. “You _ just _ came back to me. You are not staying here all night for any reason. In fact, I’m not letting you out of my sight for another second. So, you’re coming home. End of conversation.”

“But Alex—”

“Please, Kara.” The pleading in Alex’s voice was enough to steal her breath away. Kara’s mouth thinned out into a smooth line. “Marley misses you,” Alex murmured, stepping further into Kara's space. “_I _miss you. Please come home to us.”

Every word only served to weaken her resolve. But the fears she’d tried to keep bottled up inside came bubbling to the surface, and she couldn’t help but ask, her words meek, afraid.

“What if something’s wrong with me?”

Alex’s eyebrows raised, her hands lifting to stroke Kara’s shoulders. “Then we’ll come back. Believe it or not, I still remember how to find the place.” She smiled softly, and Kara rolled her eyes, smiling herself. “I’m not going to let anything happen this time, baby. Please trust me.”

Kara sighed, scrubbing away the few stray tears that had fallen. She didn’t truly have the will to stay away, they both knew that. She wanted to go home to be with her wife and their daughter. _ Needed to. _She nodded resolutely, letting Alex draw her in for a hug and a kiss pressed against her temple.

“Okay,” she whispered, running her fingers lightly through Alex’s long dark hair. “Let’s go.”

Alex’s answering smile was blinding.

**X**

Alex bent down to click on the baby lamp beside the rocking chair, stepping back to let the small amount of light it boasted illuminate the nursery just so. Marley was sleeping, had been since she and Kara had made it home a few minutes prior. Normally, Alex was loathe to wake Marley when she fell asleep; she generally slept well, but she tended to complain when she was woken before she was ready. 

For this, though, Alex was willing to risk certain crankiness.

Kara stood in front of the crib, looking down on Marley as she slept. Even in the dim light, Alex could see the tears streaking her wife’s face. She was struggling not to cry herself. She had dreamt of this exact scenario dozens of times since Kara was taken from them. Seeing it happen right before her eyes was so incredible it felt unreal.

Padding up beside her, Alex slid one arm around Kara’s waist, sliding her hand beneath her pullover and stroking the skin of her hip. God, it felt good to do that again. She felt awed to have Kara next to her again, strong and solid and _ here_ like she was meant to be. For the first time in months, Alex felt completely at peace. She planned to enjoy that feeling while it lasted.

“You can pick her up, you know. Hold her if you want,” she whispered, nodding her encouragement. She could only imagine how off-kilter Kara felt right now, seeing how much Marley had grown. Last time Kara had seen her, she had been much smaller, barely eight weeks old. Now she had just passed her first birthday.

Kara bit her lip uncertainly, and as much as Alex wanted to, she didn’t push. She watched as her wife slowly extended her hand, reaching down to brush two fingers across their daughter’s belly. Marley, deep sleeper that she had become, didn’t even stir.

“She’s grown so much.” Kara’s voice trembled when she spoke. Alex leaned into her, wrapping her other around Kara’s waist to hold her as tightly as she could. “I can’t believe I missed it.” She took a shaky breath, her wet cheek pressing against Alex’s.

Alex took her hand, raising it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. “But you’re here now,” she whispered, meeting watery blue eyes. “You came home to us. We might not know how or why, but you’ve been given another chance. _ Our family _ has been given a second chance, Kara.”

“Yeah.” Kara swallowed hard and put on a smile. Alex’s heart ached to see her wife so upset, but she knew there was nothing she could do but be supportive. Kara would come to her when she was ready, in her own time.

“I love you,” Alex murmured, loosening her grip to pull Kara into a proper hug.

Kara clung to her, burying her face in Alex’s neck. “I love you, Alex.” Her chest heaved against Alex’s, shuddering with repressed sobs. Alex wished she would just let it go, but she knew that wasn’t Kara’s way.

Alex smoothed a hand down her back and pulled back to place a chaste kiss on her lips. “Why don’t we get you into some pajamas and go to bed, huh? We’ll wake Marley in the morning. Okay?”

Kara nodded, wiping her face clean of tears. This time the smile she gave Alex was smaller but calmer. Alex stepped away to turn the lamp off again before returning to Kara’s side, taking her hand.

“I got you, babe.” She squeezed her wife’s hand and tugged, leading her quietly out of the nursery. “I got you.”

**X**

Kara had endured three types of destruction in her life. That night, she met with the fourth. 

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

When she drifted off, she dreamt of the stars. Of pillars surrounded by light. Hues of gold and silver blending into an off white. She stood before a man dressed in a mix of blues and blacks and bronze. Adrift. His face was solemn.

He repeated words long since lost.

_ “Deemed strongest of this Earth, yet to have died so pitifully. A potential squandered.” The man, the_ **_Monitor_**_, shook his head. “You have been granted new life in the face of what’s to come. A crisis is imminent, Kara Zor-El. You must be prepared to meet the end of days. Your trial awaits. Will you answer?” _

**X**


End file.
